caregivinghope caringcasts

Listening As A Gift

you give more than you know, when you just listen.

many of us feel the pressure to fix things—and often we just can't—but that doesn't mean we can't make the speaker feel calmer by the simple act of listening.

think about how you felt, the last time somebody really listened to you—without an agenda, without interrupting, without correcting.

it’s one of the most loving things anyone can do for a friend or loved one who’s frustrated or hurting.

it shows that the other person’s feelings are valuable to you, even if you don’t agree—especially if you don’t agree.

and giving your trustworthy ear, a place to vent or share, or admit fear or reveal secrets—that's a rare gift.

So if you don’t know what to say, just listen.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Forward Your Life

fast-forward your life a year … or three years.

what decisions and actions did you take today, that you’ll be really proud of down the line?

sometimes in the frenzy or weariness of the moment, we forget to give ourselves credit for how well and how empathetically and how faithfully we’re taking care of things.

if you saw yourself on a movie screen, you would cheer that character—but because we don’t see ourselves from that objective distance—we don’t recognize the same actions and decisions we would applaud in others.

zoom out, as film directors say, and see what a fine job you're doing on a long, hard task.

what you've accomplished, even just today, is making an amazing difference.

zoom out and see all that—and then zoom back in, and give credit where it’s totally, totally due.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, thank you for everything you do.

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Music Does Have Charms

how much easier would today be, if you were pumping less stress?

science now proves what your spirit already knew: listening to relaxing music can lower your anxiety.

a half hour of calming music, several times a week, can actually drop your production of stress hormone by 25 percent!

that lowers your blood pressure, slows your heart and soothes your feelings—so you feel better, calmer, and more up to coping with whatever you're facing.

if you both like the same music, share the half-hour, just sitting together and letting the music wash over you.

if your musical tastes are different—you like mozart and he likes sinatra—then take your 30 minutes privately, or with headphones, while your loved one enjoys his own favorites.

you'll both be glad, when your feelings are calmer and your heart rate is slower, and your emotional resilience is renewed.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Moments In Time

there are “moments in time” that seem remarkably long, or feel like they do.

there’s enormous power and comfort in acknowledging that you’re in a “moment” right now.

the care you’re giving, the comfort and assistance and support you provide, are impossible to measure with conventional yardsticks.

no one else could do what you’re doing, with as much love and intention as you supply, or for as long as you’ve supplied it.

and there’s a truth that bears repeating out loud: this is the moment in which you’re needed.

there’s little or no way to know how long this “moment” will last, or when the need might be completed.

use your time and energy in this moment in the ways that make the most difference, to you and to those you love.

this moment may not come again.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be kind to yourself.

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Can't isn't won't

every parent can tell you.

so can teachers, pet owners and anyone who manages people: not getting cooperation can come from many different places. someone who can't is different from someone who won't.

we wouldn't yell at a three-legged dog who didn't win a race—we'd marvel that the dog could race at all, with heart and determination and persistence.

now please, I’m not comparing anybody we know and love to a dog. it's simply easier to recognize can't versus won't when the differences are visible on the outside—and easier to give credit for it, too.

but it’s tricky when someone who now can’t looks just like somebody who once could.

so add some understanding for yourself. once you see that you’re getting their best, you’ll have the extra patience the moment requires.

can't isn't won't.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, thank you for all you do.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

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All I Can Do Is All I Can Do

are you being too hard on yourself?

there's a wonderful country song that goes "all I can do is all I can do." it's a fine motto as well as a good song-hook.

if you catch yourself in a worry-loop, why not slip in credit for what you have done, rather than criticism?

no question, what you do is certainly challenging. but how you feel about it can make it easier or harder.

what if you could observe yourself, as if you were up in one of the corners of the ceiling? look at how you keep rising to the occasion, and being vital and valuable, as often as you do.

nobody could do what you’re doing—and the truth is, right now nobody else is. you're the real one, the one who's here, the one who's actually hands-on and present.

as the song says, “all I can do is all I can do—and I keep on tryin’.”

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be kind to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Are You Fueling Yourself?

we all know the virtues of sugar and caffeine, but don't forget their dark sides.

chocolate and coffee are no substitutes for real food.

frustration, disappointment, sadness or anger are all bigger and more powerful when you’re not at the top of your game.

if you're grappling with situations too big to deal with lightheaded, do what mamas have ordered for centuries: eat a little something!

just remember the giant difference between overeating comfort food and taking on the fuel you need.

go for protein, like cut-up chicken you’ve stocked in the fridge, or if you’re on the run, a handful of almonds in an ever-ready snack-bag.

ensuring your engine is well-fueled always goes a long way towards mastering whatever needs handling.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Let's hear it for small victories!

let's hear it for small victories!

those stories of people who were frugal, and later left millions to schools and charities—they didn't win a big lottery, they saved dimes and quarters, and let them accumulate.

when obstacles look too big, rather than resent a dime for not being a dollar, how about noticing how much more it is than a nickel?

jack’s stroke took the use of his right side, but he's doing his rehab and after 18 months he's now moving his right hand a bit. this is amazing progress—a reason for celebrating, proof that hard work and persistence can make a difference.

but his wife, emma can't see progress. she's waiting for jack to jump out of his chair and walk with her again. so emma can’t share the reasons for celebration—however small.

she'll miss the hugs and the hope and the happiness they could have had together, minute by minute. she's so focused on the one big thing she can't have that she's missing all she could have—and does have.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be happier. think small victories and big thank yous.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Attitude is everything

I want to tell you about my great aunt gussie.

"tante" gussie came from the old country as a girl, and she was feisty.

gussie was already elderly when I knew her, a short, square immigrant woman in a floral print dress and black, stack-heel old-lady shoes.

what I remember most about her is her attitude.

tante gussie used a walker—a clunky metal contraption. but she'd tap the walker and say in her heavy accent, "this is mine boyfriend. he takes me everywhere I want to go."

not, "I hate this darned thing."

not, "this is what reminds me every day that I'm not 34 anymore."

just, "look how I have what I need, and I still can do a lot of what I want to."

her attitude gave her as much mobility and dignity as the walker did.

"this is mine boyfriend. he takes me everywhere I want to go."

you go, girl.

I'm natalie. till we talk again, be tante gussie to whoever depends on you.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

Subtitle:

today: natalie windsor

Description:

natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Haunted by old meds?

over time, a lot of unused meds and prescription pills can pile up around the house.

maybe they’re past their expiration date, or the doctor changed the prescription.

you might be tempted just to flush leftover pills and potions down the toilet, but please don’t! They end up in our rivers and lakes, and they poison the wildlife and the water we drink.

you have a smarter, safer choice. ask if your pharmacy participates in the “dispose my meds” program. they’ll make sure your old meds can’t harm our water or fall into the wrong hands.

just bring them with you on your next visit and hand them to the pharmacist.

you can also request a postage-paid envelope, and mail your old prescriptions to this free disposal program.

to find your closest participating pharmacy, roll the mouse over “more about this caringcast” to find the link to disposemymeds.org. it’s under the photo.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself—and to our planet.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: disposemymeds.org

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>> click here to visit the "dispose my meds" website.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

natalie windsor is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

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allowed, just not aloud

wouldn't you agree, that how you use a thing defines it?

a fire can cook your steak or destroy a forest. tears can make a situation so much worse—or so much better—depending on how you use them.

crying isn't just an emotional vent, it's a physiological and psychological cleanser.

if you were taught, as I was, "don't you cry," understand that the real message was, "don't you cry in front of me. don’t make me uncomfortable.”

change that old tape to: “don't you cry right here, right now." you're a three-dimensional person with real emotions that you're completely entitled to have—men included!

take yourself from the room, out of earshot, and cry! let it out. a cold washcloth or a little makeup can restore your image before you go back. done compassionately, crying isn't a weakness, it's a blessing—and a useful way to cope.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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How Many People Have You Been Today?

how many people have you been today?

how many in the last week?

are you sure you’re taking care of all of them?

yes, you care for someone who needs you for the activities of daily living.

yes, you have someone, even several people, who depend on you—and you do a fine job of it.

but are you forgetting somebody?

you need looking after, and if you’ve been placing yourself last, then it’s time to bump yourself to the head of the line.

remember what the flight attendant says before the plane takes off?

if the oxygen masks are needed, put your own on first and then help your traveling companion.

taking care of the caretaker puts you both in a better position. reversing that order depletes you, and eventually leaves your charge with no one in charge.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Touching Kindness

it's amazing how comforting gentle touch can be.

not just the necessary touch of daily activities—but the touch of affection that shows you care.

almost every culture has the same two places you can safely touch another person: on the forearm, and between the shoulder blades.

in over 20 years as a para-chaplain, only three people ever shrugged off my gentle touches on the arm or back.

I still remember a woman who rose up into my hand, like a cat, to meet the sensation on her upper spine. it was what she needed and wanted, but it had an equally powerful effect on me.

imagine the power you have to give comfort and relief and solace with this simple gesture.

and in the way that kindness and good deeds can boomerang, you may find yourself calmed and soothed by the act of calming and soothing.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be good to yourself.

>> click here to get each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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Keeping your perspective

you've heard the story:

a frog in boiling water will jump right out—but place him in warm water and raise the temperature one degree at a time, and you can boil that frog.

because the change is so gradual, he loses perspective: as his definition of "normal" keeps changing, he keeps adapting—in ways that are not good for him.

knowing this truth gives us a lot of power: if you're finding it harder to let things go, if little remarks hurt more, those are clues that you're losing perspective.

which means you can't make the best decisions.

which means it's time to reach out.

call and ask someone close to listen while you vent. you’re entitled to say, "I am getting burned out, which is even worse for him than me. we both need your help. could you come over tomorrow, or could you send money so I can hire someone to spell me for a while?"

admitting it when you're losing perspective is the most caring thing you can do.

it's worlds better than grimly, angrily soldiering on until you can't anymore.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be fair to yourself.

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

>> click here to receive each new caringcast by email. there's no cost—ever!

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The Secret Grudge Box

it's so hard to let things go, even when they're little things that don't really matter.

inevitably, all those little things soon add up, like single drops of water that eventually erode a rock.

if you feel you can't let something go, then don't. in fact, save it! write down a list of what's chafing you—then you don't have to hold it in your head anymore. it’ll be right there on the paper to come back to, whenever you're ready.

"he complained about my cooking.…"

"she keeps bringing up my sister...."

just jot down a fortune-cookie-sized note and stick it in your ‘grudge box.’ then it won't have to swirl around inside you anymore, and later, when you're by yourself, you can take out your slips and reread them, or toss ‘em because they're old news now. you could even haul them out to show a friend or relative what you're dealing with.

but knowing this secret—and taking these things out of your head and your heart—can feel very, very good.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, be kind to yourself.

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

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Unclenching & Unknotting

check your neck. your shoulders. how about your back?

it’d be great to have the soothing hands of a massage therapist right through the computer.

but, you can have the next best thing.

who wouldn’t clench, facing all you’re dealing with? luckily, there’s an easy way to relieve physical stress.

it’s quick, simple, healthy, doesn’t cost a dime, and you can try it right where you sit. the secret? stretching!

I found some easy stretches online for people who sit a lot. you can stretch your hands, neck, shoulders, back—whenever you need to.

the mayo clinic’s website offers pictures and directions to get you started—at no cost. just move your mouse under "unclenching and unknotting," under the picture on the left, and you’ll see the link.

so click it! and get ready to improve your circulation, range of motion and flexibility, too.

I’m natalie. till we talk again, be good to yourself.

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today: mayoclinic.com stretching

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>> click here to visit the mayo clinic stretching site.

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natalie windsor is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

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Haven't I heard this before?

yeah, yeah, you've heard it before.

the same tired stories, over and over, you could even recite them, word for word.

it's not news. what it is, is a chance to show respect and love—through patience.

for someone to repeat something again and again means that he has a deep need to share it, or maybe he just likes to talk and you're the current ears of opportunity.

either way, pretending the story is new to you will make it feel totally different.

you won't be quizzed on the material, no need to give it the same quality of attention you’d give to a letter from the i.r.s.

what do you get out of listening to that same story again?

maybe an insight, definitely, points for humility, since what you're really doing is putting the other’s need-to-say over your want-not-to-listen.

and what sounds trivial to us could be crucial to the speaker.

our perspective isn't the only perspective. offering polite attention honors the speaker.

it's not a waste of your time, it's a gift of your time.

I’m natalie. till we talk next time, honor yourself.

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today: natalie windsor

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natalie is executive editor, and honored to be of comfort and assistance through caregivinghope.com.

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welcome!

we’re glad you found caregivinghope.

what you’re going through may make you feel alone, but you don’t have to be.

we can’t bring you a casserole or help with the driving, but we can offer you warm support and useful information—a little at a time, when you need it, at the pace you want it—like a friend who checks in regularly.

with so much energy and attention going to your responsibilities, you need to remember to take care of you.

I’m natalie, and you can bring me up through your computer to check in with you whenever you like.

all it takes is to fill in your name and email address, which we promise to safeguard.

we’ll answer you with a quick email and once you’ve confirmed you’re you, you’re done. there’s no cost, today or ever.

you can do this by clicking on ‘comfort delivered,’ below. and you can take a break whenever you wish.

till we talk again, be good to yourself.

>> comfort delivered —click here.

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Caregivinghope Guided Tour

hi! this is to a brief guided tour of caregivinghope. I’m natalie, and you won’t need a lot of computer savvy—we created caregivinghope to ease your worry, not to add to it.

since you’ve already figured out how to listen—try pausing and un-pausing me with that “pause” button you see under the photo, to the right.

one click will pause me, clicking again will restart.

when it ends, if you want to hear it again, click it once and listen all over again.

now move your cursor over "discover more" and you’ll see a box appear for you.

here’s a neat trick just for this tour: click the word “reload” inside that box to start over. but this time, instead of clicking "listen now," click the words, “click here to read” under it, so you can read today’s message. click "listen along" to listen along.

be sure to click on the blue words at the bottom of the page, to explore other features you have available to you.

it doesn’t cost anything, you can’t get lost, and you can’t mess up anything.

if you have a friend who’d also like to hear us, all you have to do is tell them, "go to caregivinghope.com."

Till we talk again, be good to yourself.

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then click the words on the photo, "or click here to read."

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